M-O-O-N, that spells LAME

I was down in the District of Columbia Sunday afternoon to take in a Phillies game on enemy turf. I thought Cubs fans were differently-abled when it came to baseball, but Nationals fans take the proverbial cake. They are the most pathetic group of fans in all of baseball. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom I overheard:

Little Boy: “What is the nickname for the Phillies?”

Father: “That is their nickname: ‘Phillies.’ They don’t have a short version like how ‘The Nationals’ are called ‘The Nats.'”

These two did not shut up for the duration of the game. I’m all for passing knowledge of the game to the next generation, but try to nail down the fundamentals while watching games together at home, and explaining the minutiae there. If a question arises, by all means, answer it, but for the sake of people trying to enjoy themselves, can the primer. Yeah, I’m a curmudgeon.

After the Nats broke the tie to go up 6-5: “In the face! In the face!”

This was from that same little boy, with trash-talking skills inherited from his dumb-ass papa, who at one point asked another kid in his group if he was “voting” for the Phillies.

After Feliz’s 3-base, 2-run bunt: “It’s not even that the Phillies are a good team. The Nationals are just bad.”

Okay, idiot. You sat next to me for 4 hours, with your metrosexual ‘bros’ and annoying girlfriends, all yakking about how crazy and awesome you guys are. You forfeit the right to observational comments when you fail to observe what you are commenting on.

About ‘Screech,’ the Nats lame mascot: “At least it’s an eagle, and it’s way better than whatever the hell that thing is the Phillies have as a mascot.”

I’m not a fan of the Phanatic, for personal reasons, but like Lt. Dangle said about Weigel on an episode of Reno: 911 – “[He] may be a retard, but [he’s] our fucking retard.”

Father to son: “That’s Ryan Zimmerman. He’s the best hitter in baseball right now.”

He’s a good hitter, to be sure. But he’s tied with Raul for BA right now, and both of those dudes are behind Guzman, Beltran, Votto and Hawpe, guy. So please remove your head from your ass.

Stadium PA in the bottom of the 9th: “MAKE SOME NOISE!”

Crowd: “…”

And that about sums up the home crowd. The apathy was rewarded with a one-pitch GIDP save by Brad “Occasionally Dims The Lights Slightly” Lidge.


If you want to see a Phils-Nats game, I recommend it. Tickets are cheap and readily available. Sections 101-104 are great, because it affords the opportunity for appropriate Raul-worship, plus it’s right by the visitor’s bullpen, so those sections are about 90% Phillies fans. Tickets are $26 a seat. Take Amtrak from 30th St. Station to Union Station, it’s less than a 2-hour ride, and a round-trip costs around $100. I’m told the Metro runs pretty much right to the ballpark, but a cab ride is less than $10 and it’s quicker plus you don’t have to ride with a bunch of puds. For the ride back, call Yellow Cab Co. of D.C. at 202-544-1212.

The amenities at the ballpark are pretty good, the people are nice for the most part, and for a Sunday 1:35 game, the gates open at 11:00am sharp, but you can’t take a full walk around the stadium until noon. They have a restaurant/bar to help kill the time, and a Majestic clubhouse store where you can purchase that Milledge shirsey you always wished for.




Filed under Uncategorized


  1. joe

    Dude – you gotta let me know next time you come to DC. I live literally three blocks from the stadium.


  2. Pete

    i love you. that is all.

  3. Gonzo

    Gotta love Tug posts.

  4. Nats Fan

    Dude… you got anything better to do than kick Nats fans while we are down? I’m a DC local, but the federal government’s presence makes this a transplant city… so the real estate is astronomical and my buddies who grew up in Northern Va. can’t afford to live here even with a 4-year degree… I’m not making excuses for metrosexuals at Nats games… I see them too. If you’re a real sports fan, you’ll understand that there is nothing to be gained by kicking Nats fans while they’re down.

    • Dude… I’m not making these quotes up. The whole thing is very scientific.

      Hypothesis: Nats fans are lame.

      Evidence presented above supports the hypothesis.

      Thanks for reading.

  5. theprez98

    On Saturday, the Metro was packed with Phillies fans. There were almost no Nats fans…

  6. “Stadium PA in the bottom of the 9th: “MAKE SOME NOISE!”

    Crowd: “…””

    HAHAH! I was there Saturday and the same exact thing happend. I felt like I was in a library. If it wasnt for all the Phillies fans there, the place would of been dead silent.

  7. Once I get some cash, I should head down there. Gotta get my ‘You dead dawg’ sign ready.

  8. Ender

    Dig “The Stand” reference.

    Baby Can I Be Your Man?

  9. I need to get my ass down to DC as soon as possible.

    I just need to scrounge up some cash and some free time, and I’ll be there.


  10. I fear going to an opponent park. Every time I go the chances of me going to jail are exponentially increased as opposed to me just going to CBP. But I risked it last year going to the glorified toilet bowl, Shea and did almost end up in jail.

  11. Gradosphere

    Think the Nationals’ fan base is bad? There are Reds fans who think Jerry Hairston is their best player.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s