I was down in the District of Columbia Sunday afternoon to take in a Phillies game on enemy turf. I thought Cubs fans were differently-abled when it came to baseball, but Nationals fans take the proverbial cake. They are the most pathetic group of fans in all of baseball. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom I overheard:
Little Boy: “What is the nickname for the Phillies?”
Father: “That is their nickname: ‘Phillies.’ They don’t have a short version like how ‘The Nationals’ are called ‘The Nats.'”
These two did not shut up for the duration of the game. I’m all for passing knowledge of the game to the next generation, but try to nail down the fundamentals while watching games together at home, and explaining the minutiae there. If a question arises, by all means, answer it, but for the sake of people trying to enjoy themselves, can the primer. Yeah, I’m a curmudgeon.
After the Nats broke the tie to go up 6-5: “In the face! In the face!”
This was from that same little boy, with trash-talking skills inherited from his dumb-ass papa, who at one point asked another kid in his group if he was “voting” for the Phillies.
After Feliz’s 3-base, 2-run bunt: “It’s not even that the Phillies are a good team. The Nationals are just bad.”
Okay, idiot. You sat next to me for 4 hours, with your metrosexual ‘bros’ and annoying girlfriends, all yakking about how crazy and awesome you guys are. You forfeit the right to observational comments when you fail to observe what you are commenting on.
About ‘Screech,’ the Nats lame mascot: “At least it’s an eagle, and it’s way better than whatever the hell that thing is the Phillies have as a mascot.”
I’m not a fan of the Phanatic, for personal reasons, but like Lt. Dangle said about Weigel on an episode of Reno: 911 – “[He] may be a retard, but [he’s] our fucking retard.”
Father to son: “That’s Ryan Zimmerman. He’s the best hitter in baseball right now.”
He’s a good hitter, to be sure. But he’s tied with Raul for BA right now, and both of those dudes are behind Guzman, Beltran, Votto and Hawpe, guy. So please remove your head from your ass.
Stadium PA in the bottom of the 9th: “MAKE SOME NOISE!”
And that about sums up the home crowd. The apathy was rewarded with a one-pitch GIDP save by Brad “Occasionally Dims The Lights Slightly” Lidge.
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE:
If you want to see a Phils-Nats game, I recommend it. Tickets are cheap and readily available. Sections 101-104 are great, because it affords the opportunity for appropriate Raul-worship, plus it’s right by the visitor’s bullpen, so those sections are about 90% Phillies fans. Tickets are $26 a seat. Take Amtrak from 30th St. Station to Union Station, it’s less than a 2-hour ride, and a round-trip costs around $100. I’m told the Metro runs pretty much right to the ballpark, but a cab ride is less than $10 and it’s quicker plus you don’t have to ride with a bunch of puds. For the ride back, call Yellow Cab Co. of D.C. at 202-544-1212.
The amenities at the ballpark are pretty good, the people are nice for the most part, and for a Sunday 1:35 game, the gates open at 11:00am sharp, but you can’t take a full walk around the stadium until noon. They have a restaurant/bar to help kill the time, and a Majestic clubhouse store where you can purchase that Milledge shirsey you always wished for.