WHAT’S A HATER TO DO?

Okay, so Scott Olsen goes to Washington, leaving a hole in my heart and a single question rattling around in my head: who’s left to hate on the Florida Marlins?

Wes Helms: Too easy.

Jeremy Hermida: I can’t possibly hate him more than his own team after his numerous bonehead plays on Sunday. Hell, I even got tired of calling him ‘Spermida’ after about 5 minutes.

Ronny Paulino: Who?

Well, Manny Navarro of The Miami Herald just made my decision easy:

FLORIDA MARLINS’ CODY ROSS HEADS TO MOUND TO SHUT DOWN PHILLIES

Interesting choice of words.

“Although it didn’t mean much coming at the end of a 13-2 loss, the Marlins achieved a feat Sunday they had not been able to do all weekend against the Phillies: They didn’t give up a run in the ninth.”

*cough, cough* Four in the 7th, Five in the 8th *cough, cough*

“Making his first pitching appearance since he was in spring training with the Tigers in 2001, right fielder Cody Ross retired three of the four hitters he faced in the ninth — including 2006 National League MVP Ryan Howard.

“‘He just told me to take it easy. That’s why I was only throwing 84 [mph]. I could have probably turned it up to 94 if I wanted to.'”

I’m no soothsayer, but I’m pretty sure Charlie told those men to take it easy. When a manager sends a position player to the mound, it’s the equivalent of a dog rolling on its back to show its belly as a display of submission. And Mr. Manuel is not a cold-blooded skipper. They were up by 12 runs at the time and this soft-throwing, trash-talking dingleberry was going to face some of the most dangerous hitters in the Majors.

It was over. The 9th inning was simply a matter of going through the motions, the Marlins were waiting for the Emperor’s decision, and yet Cody Ross and the sportswriters from the tip of America’s penis still insist on puffing up and saving face?

Cody Ross, I was willing to hate you based on the word of my colleague and your resemblance to a shiny glans. But thanks for proving your douchiness. You just made my list.


– Tug

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “WHAT’S A HATER TO DO?

  1. Cody Ross just looks like a straight d-bag. Now I have a really reason to hate him besides his face.

    I put your quote up today btw. Thanks again.

  2. Haha it is a great quote. Matt Stairs is seriously the epitome of all that is man.

    And Cody Ross is the biggest fuckface on that team now that Olsen has vacated. But at least we get to face Olsen this series against the Nats.

  3. I give Ross credit for “shutting down” the Phils, but by that time they didn’t give a flying two-fisted fuck.

  4. Gonzo

    Cody looks like a vas deferens.

  5. Stef

    Is Ross the guy from Kingsway Regional who was all “I wasn’t, like, a Phils fan in 93 or anything, I was just 12 and they were the hometown guys.” If not, I hate that fucker, too.

  6. @Stef
    Nah, Ross went to high school in New Mexico.

  7. Stef

    @Tug: well, then! now I have TWO people to loathe on the Marlins, which only makes sense; it’ll take that much bile to replace the stuff I expended on bitching about Olsen.

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