UGLIEST PLAYER IN BASEBALL?

One thing I have always found funny is how ridiculous some players look in their MLB player profile pictures. A perfect example of this hilarity is Jamie Moyer’s picture from last year. But I decided it is time we find out who has the WORST player picture and/or is just an ugly person in general. So today I pose the question to you, who is the ugliest player in all of baseball? The nominees:

BRADEN LOOPER

BRADEN LOOPER

In this picture Braden Looper looks like a neanderthal. He looks like evolution never quite finished it’s process and he is more reminiscent of a caveman then an actual human being.

JORGE CANTU

JORGE CANTU

Cantu’s MLB player profile picture doesn’t quite do justice to just how ugly Jorge Cantu is (Photoshop magic I presume). His face looks like someone dumped a half a jar of marinara sauce on his face and he went outside and let it dry in the sun. Pro-active acne medication would wave the white flag on this one.

DAVID WEATHERS

DAVID WEATHERS

This guy just looks like a toad. If you remove his goatee I don’t even want to imagine what he might look like. You know it’s bad when a person’s saving grace is their facial hair.

JOHN LACKEY

JOHN LACKEY

Amazing pitcher, don’t get me wrong, but what the fuck is going on here? His head is huge but all his facial features are packed dead center and smushed together. The only person/thing that I can even compare him to is the Toxic Avenger. He has to be an early favorite for the crown of ugliest MLB player.

EZEQUIEL ASTACIO

EZEQUIEL ASTACIO

Uhm, where do I begin? Like Cantu this picture doesn’t do his ugliness justice. Please, people, look at this picture. What the fuck is even happening there? It looks like a spider fucked his face and laid eggs under alm0st every part of his face. They all must have hatched before his MLB profile picture was taken. That or Photoshop strikes again. He is at the point, no matter how much of an asshole I am, I feel bad for him.

JULIAN TAVAREZ

JULIAN TAVAREZ

At first glance you might not think he is that bad, especially after Astacio, but after a second glance you might see what I saw. Which was this. Now, if I didn’t already know who actually played Freddie Krueger then I would probably just assume it was him. Scary.

SHELLEY DUNCAN

SHELLEY DUNCAN

I’m not quite sure who to compare Duncan to. The best I can do is Timmy from South Park. Seriously put your gums away. Try smiling with your mouth closed, it could do wonders.

With all this said, I’m going to hell. And you might say to yourself “Who is this guy to judge others?” well, I’m just an asshole with nothing better to write about. Who would you say is the ugliest?

-Chris

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “UGLIEST PLAYER IN BASEBALL?

  1. Its Astacio.. and not close!

  2. Joe

    Lol I’ve been searching for something like this with the ugliest players. My immediate nomination would be Cantu, his face looks like it was blasted with gamma rays. Not to mention his hair reminds me of this http://officespam.chattablogs.com/archives/Ellwood-Worlds-Ugliest-Dog.jpg.

    Weathers looks like a cave troll nuff said.

    Tavarez is the scariest fucker of them all definitely is Freddy Kreuger.

    Shelley Duncan isn’t that ugly just a big doofus.

    The best looking of these is Astacio based off of his face not his disgusting mole/acne/mutation shit.

    John Lackey clearly resembles Jack Nicholson for better or worse.

  3. BlackCowboy

    Boys,I’m 56,and recall LHP Don Mossi as MLB’S UGLI-
    EST EVER PLAYER.In addition to strangely wide-set eyes,”The Sphinx,”as Mossi was known,had GRUESOME
    skin,a big schnozz,jug ears and,I think,a noticeable over-bite.I’m asking my fellow older dudes to opine here whether you agree or disagree with my characterization of Mossi as the ugliest major-leaguer in baseball history.

    • thestalkinghorse

      I had Don Mossi’s baseball card as a kid.
      I was scared of it.
      He had a great face for radio.

  4. Rob

    This is a Phillies blog so I see there is a bit of a bias by not mentioning Jayson Werth. That guy was wacked a bit by the ugly stick.
    Proof:

  5. BlackCowboyBrett1953

    Yeah,but Jayson Werth is the grandson of Dick(Ducky)
    Schofield,one of my boyhood favourites,probably be-
    cause he began his career in ’53,the year I was born,and like me,was just 5’8”.(Though unlike the 214-lb. Yours
    Truly,who sports 18.5” biceps,the 165-lb. “Ducky” was probably never asked if he were a wight-lifter.Also,I HATE Schofield’s son,Dick[though NOT Jr.],who hit a grand-slam off,I think,Guillermo Hernandez to give the
    then-California Angels a come-from-12-5-down 13-12
    victory over my Detroit Tigers,Aug. 29,1985!!!)

  6. FU

    YOU FUCKING BITCH. JORGE CANTU LOOKS WAY BETTER THAN YOUR BABOON FACE. FUCKING GORILLA LOOKING MUG

  7. Elias

    You know what, honestly fuck you & all who think this bullshit is funny. I’d hate to see what your bitch ass looked like as a kid more or less now. Talking shit on who’s ugly and who isn’t? Fuck you think you are?

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