Series tied? Really? I guess no one told Jimmy Rollins. Johnny cut-corners should have waited until the game ended before he hit the publish button. Idiots.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

I wonder what Hamels’ reaction to Utley throwing away another potential double play was this time? Did he act like a fan again? Probably not. It is extremely hard to get mad at Chase F’n Utley but seriously, again?! After that happened the icing on the cake was a bases loaded walk to stand as the winning run for the Doyers. Definitely a complete let down. The Phillies 100% threw that game away, no pun intended. Going home with the series tied at one a piece gives us home field advantage though and I still believe we win this series in six games, but hopefully less. Oh well, no more dwelling on the poor showing yesterday, here is a picture after the jump of Russell Martin looking terrified of a baseball.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

Chooch certainly earned his treats last night. Seriously this guy just turns into a beast come playoff time. Usually you will take anything you can get out of a catcher offensively as long as they are a rock behind the plate. With Chooch, it seems, we get to have our ice cream and eat it too. Taking a 1-0 series lead is definitely important and the Phils seem to have become accustomed to it. They did it every series last year and have continued that trend this year. Now I’d hate to focus on something negative about last night, but alas I must…

Last night Cole put on a display of a whole new level of douchebaggery. After Utley threw away a potential double play ball Cole decided to turn around and throw his arms up in the air like a baby and show up the best second baseman in baseball. You would think getting married, having a baby, adopting one from Africa, winning a World Series MVP might make someone grow up a bit but apparently this is all overshadowed by carrying a dog in a backpack, doing stupid commercials, and posing for stupid pictures. You just don’t do what he did last night, especially to Chase Utley. Let’s see what Cole had to say about it:

“It’s tough because you’re battling,” Hamels said. “I make the right pitch to Ethier. I got exactly what I wanted and unfortunately the results didn’t happen. It takes a lot out of you because these guys are very tough hitters, so when you do get them in a situation where you can seal the deal, it takes a lot to really get through that. I really thought we had that. It’s the process I’ve had to go through all year — learning how to deal with my emotions and learning to control them and forgetting about what just happened.”

Yeah Hamels it is tough, but how about you be tough as well and get the next batter out and pick up your guy? Instead you mail it in and I’ll admit you threw a good pitch to Manny, but it needed to be wayyy out of the zone. I hope you learn how to control your emotions Cole, because if you don’t you might be out of Philly before you know it. If he goes out and pitches 7 or 8 shut out innings later in this series I’m sure all will be forgiven and forgotten, but I guess that is the nature of the game.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

Long Drive is currently being moved to self hosting and will be down for a couple more days, but we will return.

IF YOU COULD SEE HIS HEAD HE WOULD BE WEARING A PHILLIES HAT

I don’t even know what else I am supposed to say at this point, honestly. The Phillies have been terrible. Jayson Stark pointed out last night that Cole Hamels allowed more runs in the game yesterday than he did in all 5 of his postseason starts. That is flat out ridiculous. The pitching sucks, the bullpen sucks, the offense sucks, the coaching sucks. Seriously everything that has to do with the Phillies right now sucks.

The Phillies are in fact still in first place but guess what, the MARLINS, yes that shitty fish team, are only a half game out. Ruben Amaro Jr. better be prepared to get creative for this trade deadline. Indians want a “future #1″ for Cliff Lee, well in my opinion we have two of those. We have Kyle Drabek and Jason Knapp. Knapp is putting up video game numbers in Single A Lakewood with over 12 K/9. I’d rather keep Drabek. I don’t know I probably sound desperate right now but I think the Phillies are as close to desperation mode as a first place team can get.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

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DOUCHES OF THE DAY: GREGOR BLANCO AND MARTIN PRADO

Thanks for saving 75% of your hits and 85% of your RBIs for the entire season for this game against the Phillies you douche bags.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

Thanks to reader Lynniemac for the idea.

DOUCHE OF THE DAY: MR. MET

Mr. Met is hands down the WORST baseball mascot EVER. The Braves’ mascot does run a close second but Mr. Douche here is definitely the winner. I would love to sit in on the meeting they had trying to come up with the Mets’ mascot…

DoucheBag 1: OK guys we need a mascot…

Douchebag 2: Hmm what is everyone else using?

Douchebag 1: Well, most have come up with some kind of animal or something like that, relating to their team name.

Douchebag 2: OK well, we are a baseball team?

Douchebag 3: Yea, baseball! How about a skinny douche with a big fucking baseball head?!

Douchebag 1: That is a great idea! OK everyone take lunch.

W…T…F. DOUCHE!

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)

Complete game shut out. 9 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 4 SO,  25 Broken Canadian Hearts, 1 Philadelphia city given hope. Happman.

-Chris (@LONG_DRIVE)